The situation I was talking about is all sorted. If you really want to know what it is, then just go by this; I'm not pregnant! Thank God! And work the rest out for yourself. And then feel free to yell at me, if you wish.
Have you ever willingly put yourself in a situation which you know could be dangerous, just because you're bored and need something to occupy your head?
I confuse myself sometimes. I pretend to have morals - pretend to give a shit about myself - and then do the stupidest things in the whole wide world just because I'm bored - just to create some excitement for myself. It's ridiculous. I hate it.
I am going to see Mark today! I am unsure about him, about us and what will happen, but he keeps me occupied & makes me happy (plus, you know, there's the Scottish thing..!) so I'll stay with him for a while... Stupid?! Moi?!
Saturday, September 16, 2000 02:36 p.m.
Having just read through what I've written below, I realised that, even to me, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. So really do just ignore me, okay?!
Thursday, September 14, 2000 01:27 p.m.
Sometimes I find it very difficult to figure out exactly what the hell I think I'm doing. Why I do some of the stupid thoughtless things that I do. Why I choose always, sometimes consciously, sometimes not quite so consciously, to pick the hardest path in life for myself.
Okay, without going into too much detail here, basically, I have put myself in a Situation. Actually, me and a certain other person put ourselves in this Situation, but due to other circumstances, it is left up to me to carry the burden of it.
In about four hours time, I will find out whether my stupidness in this Situation has had the major effect on my life which I feared. I will find out whether my life is about to be turned upside down. And I'm shit-scared. And I really don't want to be doing this on my own, but I have no choice. This other person can't be with me at this precise moment, however much I desperately need them to be.
I'm probably just worrying over nothing.. It probably won't be so bad, but still.. Every time something like this, which could have been so easily prevented if only I had just thought, happens, I have to ask myself how the hell I could be so stupid. I am astounded at my thoughtlessness.
Well, I'm sure this had confused you thoroughly, hasn't it?! But I feel better for ranting a bit at myself, so it doesn't matter..
I'm sure I'll explain to you sometime soon exactly what the heck it is I'm talking about, but, in the meantime, you'll just have to ignore me! Sorry about that!
Thursday, September 14, 2000 01:14 p.m.
Damn computer.. Just freeze & then erase everything I wrote, why don't you?! See if I care!!
The entry that was supposed to go here, but my DAMN COMPUTER DELETED, was probably the best piece of online writing that you would have ever seen.. it was witty and intelligent and even went as far as to solve the Meaning of Life.
You would have been astounded. I would have been made Ruler of the World. But, alas, it was not to be.
Never mind..
A more cohesive entry will come here soon, if I can ever recover from my computer's betrayal, sob sob..!!
Saturday, September 9, 2000 05:23 p.m.
